The fear of missing out during pregnancy

The fear of missing out during pregnancy

This is my second pregnancy, and during both pregnancies the fear of missing out has struck me many times. It’s funny it catches me when I’m least expecting it, a simple What’s App message can set it off. I feel like I’m missing out on being with my friends, on late night dinners, on holidays, and on spending proper time with my daughter.

During my first pregnancy I was working in advertising. Being in an environment which spun around office parties and going to the pub after work, was incredibly hard. Not to mention having to hide it before Christmas, so that any work or client parties I politely declined to avoid having to hide not drinking. It was a relief in the New Year when the secret was out.

However I still had that feeling I was missing out. Missing out of the fun, and that was hard.

This time round it’s slightly easier. Hiding the first trimester was easier as I wasn’t working in an office. Being able to snuggle under the duvet at home to work was so much better. But that didn’t erase the feeling that I couldn’t do everything.

Seeing messages from friends on What’s App arranging dinner, and knowing that I just didn’t have the energy to go, and declining made my heart ache and worry. What would they think of me, or they must have been thinking I was pregnant. Yes I wanted to be there, but really what I needed was a hot bath and bed.

Not being able to spend Christmas Day enjoying champagne and wine was tough. I know that you’re probably thinking it’s pregnancy, it doesn’t last forever, enjoy it. But when everyone around you is having fun and you’re feeling tired and like you want to vomit is incredibly tough.

Hearing of friends travel plans and seeing photos on Facebook and Instagram instantly fills me with jealously. Yes we have travel plans later this year, and I can’t wait to go away, but it’s not quite the same when you have little ones to look after. I would love to go away and not have a care in the world, and relax on a sun lounger by the pool with a book.

I guess that what I’m trying to say is I hope normal. I’m sure that this is what many women in pregnancy experience, and I’m sure that the pregnancy hormones play a part in feeling this way as well.

Don’t get me wrong pregnancy is wonderful and I am really enjoying it. I am grateful for it, and I know that falling pregnant is not easy for everyone. Plus it doesn’t last forever, it’s only 40 short weeks. However that doesn’t stop me from feeling the fear of missing out, which is very real.

I’m wondering if this fear stems from us feeling like we have to have it all. We have to feel like we are superstars all the time. We have to almost prove ourselves. Prove ourselves in careers, or as a Mum, and manage a house, and be seen as someone who can work hard and play hard. However pregnancy is hard, and not being able to do something because of it can put that fear into us.

But pregnancy is nothing to shy away from, it’s real and it should be embraced. So I have 16 weeks to go, and I am no longer having to hide my bump now that I’m in the second trimester. Plus it’s now actually quite fun to use pregnancy as an excuse to avoid some things.

Did you feel this way during pregnancy? I would love to know that it isn’t just me, and that it’s pretty normal to feel this way.

Claire x

The fear of missing out during pregnancy

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35 Comments

  1. Jen February 14, 2018 / 7:20 am

    I definitely know what you mean. I felt like this especially with my first baby, as I was the first of my friends to have a baby so constantly felt I was missing out. #fortheloveofBLOG

  2. Maria | passion fruit, paws and peonies February 14, 2018 / 8:18 am

    I think these days pregnant mums are given so much information about what they shouldn’t eat, drink or do that it must feel overwhelming. When I was pregnant there were 3 rules I was aware of – continue exercising as normal is fine, avoid smoking, a little or no alcohol. I also think that lifestyle has changed. There seems to be a lot more going on to miss out on than when I was young. x
    Maria | passion fruit, paws and peonies recently posted…Stylish Dog Walking Jackets and HatsMy Profile

  3. Perdita February 14, 2018 / 8:47 am

    Yes I also felt this completely – and also the guilt from the #blessed brigade who would blah blah about how women should feel that way because for some the journey was hard. Well I was pregnant after multiple loss, and still had FOMO! It’s completely normal and no one should be ashamed, and frankly I resented the sexist pressure to shut down those feelings apparently in the name of people like me. It’s a normal feeling and provided the pregnant woman doesn’t go out and drink all night because of it, there should be no guilt!

    • Perdita February 14, 2018 / 8:48 am

      #fortheloveofblog

  4. Sophie February 14, 2018 / 8:55 am

    I think it’s also all the changes to our bodies, with hormones, sickness and the overwhelming tiredness that possibly make us feel like this. I do know what you mean but I felt more like this when mine were tiny. Good luck with your pregnancy. #fortheloveofblog

  5. Briony February 14, 2018 / 9:20 am

    Eggs, I missed eggs. Not only were the guidelines different then but my pregnancy had put me right off them, I really wanted one but wouldn’t have ever eaten it because the thought repulsed me. To be fair though that’s the only time I felt I was missing out on anything. It was mainly a wonderful excuse to not do the things I didn’t want to do in the first place!! #fortheloveofBLOG

  6. Noleen Miller February 14, 2018 / 9:40 am

    Pregnancy is a blessing and a wonderful experience that many hope for but can’t experience. So we need to be thankful, however it is a time when you are so limited to live your life. I know it is only for 9 months but it does seem forever. With both my kids, when it came to my third trimester, I just wanted it to be all over. Good luck and the end is almost near.#fortheloveofblog
    Noleen Miller recently posted…Valentine’s Day UncelebratedMy Profile

  7. Michelle - The Willow Tree February 14, 2018 / 12:40 pm

    It can sometimes feel isolating when pregnant – like you say it can be painful to not join in when everyone is celebrating, having late nights etc. But at the same time its a good excuse to take it easy and not feel obliged to attend certain outings! #fortheloveofblog
    Michelle – The Willow Tree recently posted…Baby led weaning – Our JourneyMy Profile

  8. Eva Katona February 14, 2018 / 2:33 pm

    I didn’t particularly enjoyed my pregnancies, I had gestational diabetes and had to monitor what I eat and inject insulin. Maybe because I was concentrating on these and other symptoms, I never really had the feeling that I was missing out. I get this feeling these days though, when its so hard to arrange things and meetings or just going out with my husband because…well, we have 2 small children. But this is what it is and we often manage to go out – just not always when we planned it. #FORTHELOVEOFBLOG

  9. Megan February 14, 2018 / 2:51 pm

    Yep! I had my first before most of my friends, so it was hard to miss out on the things they were doing that I had no energy for. It sucked!

  10. Morgan Prince February 14, 2018 / 3:39 pm

    It’s been a long time since I was pregnant, my youngest is almost 9! But I do remember feeling left out sometimes. It’s tough but I think it’s just a part of pregnancy, like any other. Good luck. xx
    #fortheloveofblog

  11. mainy February 14, 2018 / 7:44 pm

    It seems so long ago for me now with my youngest being 9 now. However, I do remember thinking that I could do it all until one day when I walked into a supermarket and smelt roast chicken and was ill on the spot. There are sometimes when our pregnant body just does its own things and shows us whos boss:)
    Mainy

    #fortheloveofblog
    mainy recently posted…Our home and building tales.My Profile

  12. Hayley @ Mission: Mindfulness February 14, 2018 / 9:04 pm

    I’m sure it is normal Claire – FOMO can hit at anytime – pregnant or not! Take care and enjoy bump. XX #fortheloveofBLOG

  13. Five in the hive February 14, 2018 / 9:16 pm

    I bet so many mum’s and mums to be can relate to this, I know I can. I have three wonderful babies now and they were all worth every social sacrifice! Enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy, they’ll be plenty of chance to catch up don’t you worry about that. x

  14. Helen aka Welsh Mum Writing February 14, 2018 / 9:17 pm

    I think it’s perfectly normal, particularly if you have an active social life. For various reasons, mine was pretty much dead already, but I did get out on a no exercise/stairs/exercise rule very early on and I found that very frustrating #FORTHELOVEOFBLOG

  15. Whitney February 15, 2018 / 12:17 am

    Everything can feel exaggerated when you are pregnant, and hormones are all over the place. I am so grateful for a husband who attempted to meet all of my needs, and tolerated me relatively well. I either felt isolated or the center of attention. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Good luck!

  16. Andie February 15, 2018 / 1:02 am

    Congrats on your pregnancy!! I sometimes look at my non children friends and feel a massive sense of jealousy…especially when they’re off travelling the world…however I do think that before I had kids I didn’t appreciate that freedom I had then because I didn’t know what it would be like with kids! When I was pregnant I LOVED it!!! However I did miss being able to roll over onto my front in the bath…I’ll never forget the first bath after I had given birth and I rolled over and felt so much liberation …ha #fortheloveofBLOG

  17. Chloe February 15, 2018 / 7:07 am

    Hi, we all experience different feelings thanks for being brutally honest with yours as it will no doubt help other mums to be who may be experiencing the same #FortheloveofBlog

  18. Kate February 15, 2018 / 10:38 am

    I had terrible FOMO during each of my pregnancies. In fact, one of the biggest bonuses of my third pregnancy was that, unlike 1 and 2, I got pregnant in January and gave birth in October, so I didn’t have to miss out on another Christmas of celebrations! #fortheloveogBLOG

  19. Ali Duke February 15, 2018 / 11:32 am

    I definitely felt like that at points during both my pregnancies. I think it we all feel like that, hormones are going mad, we are tired so of course we are going to miss things.
    #fortheloveofBLOG
    Ali Duke recently posted…My Empties January 2018My Profile

  20. ruth cartwright February 15, 2018 / 11:50 am

    I spent both my pregnancies so ill I barely thought about anything #fortheloveofBLOG

  21. claire | the ladybirds' adventures February 15, 2018 / 7:24 pm

    I was so exhausted and sick for the first half of both my pregnancies. I definetly felt I was missing out. #fortheloveofblog

  22. Kate Holmes February 15, 2018 / 7:36 pm

    I am trying to remember. With my first I just remember being very thrilled but of course hating the sickness and then the heaviness in a hot summer in my last few weeks. I remember my late mum feeling sorry for me when she saw me on the path and it was a few moments before she recognised her own daughter. I did not feel ready for my second or third to be honest which may be why I experienced depression afterwards. I do think we are expected to do it all and have it all these days and that is unrealistic of course and images of perfection on blogs and social media don’t help us one bit with that. All the best as you move on positively through this pregnancy and beyond #fortheloveofblog
    Kate Holmes recently posted…Interview with happiness coach – Nicola ArnoldMy Profile

  23. mrs mummy harris February 16, 2018 / 10:35 am

    I completely get this post and completely agree with you. I’ve now been pregnant twice over Christmas and it sucks!!!!!!!! I’ve also come to terms that I have no social life as a pregnant lady as my energy levels are zero and SPD is making shopping impossible, let alone hanging out with mates!
    Those 40 weeks may be short – but they’re ever soooooo long!! #fortheloveofBLOG

  24. Amy - The Rolling Baby February 17, 2018 / 5:14 am

    I was so exhausted with my pregnancy and had awful morning sickness for the first 20 weeks. I was off all food and could only manage toast and biscuits so there was no way I could go out for meals etc. Unfortunately, some people thought I was using my pregnancy as an excuse #fortheloveofBLOG
    Amy – The Rolling Baby recently posted…Baby’s First Visit to Soft PlayMy Profile

  25. David - Tales of Two Children February 17, 2018 / 2:05 pm

    My other half felt like this during her first pregnancy, and then felt guilty for feeling that way. The guilt was due to her belief that she should be preg-centric to the exclusion of everything else. It’s definitely difficult for many.
    #FortheLoveofBLOG
    David – Tales of Two Children recently posted…Valentine’s Blah, Blah, Blah!My Profile

  26. Kelly February 18, 2018 / 4:54 pm

    For me, it was missing soft cheese – Christmas is the worst for being pregnant. It’s a celebration full of booze and everything you can’t have when pregnant. I live in the sticks and my friends at the time were miles away, so I didn’t go out much even when I wasn’t pregnant so nightlife didn’t affect me much! I can’t believe I went without tea with Georgia!! I doubt I’d be able to do that again! xx #fortheloveofBLOG

  27. Helena February 19, 2018 / 4:47 pm

    There wasn’t much I missed out on. I recall someone asking me whether I’d miss drinking. I was amused as I don’t like the taste of it so wouldn’t miss it. #fortheloveofBLOG
    Helena recently posted…C is for ColourMy Profile

  28. Lisa Pomerantz February 19, 2018 / 7:49 pm

    As the mom who didn’t get pregnant in our two mom household, I was the one missing out — big time. And now, as I am the go to work mom, I am still missing out. xoxo #fortheloveofBLOG xoxo

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