The Partner’s View: The Pramshed

The Partner's View

It is nearly a year since I had my little girl, and I’ve been thinking a lot about my birth experience. It was far from the birth experience I wanted. Going overdue, and being induced, meant that I could no longer have my perfect water birth just like my birth plan said. I can barely remember the 3 days in hospital before having my daughter by c-section. Sometimes I get a little flash back when reading or hearing someone else’s birth story. So I decided that I would create a series on my blog dedicated to the partner’s view of our birth experience.

Often during birth the partner’s feelings and thoughts are overlooked, and then never discussed together afterwards, which I believe is vital for you to understand the full picture of such an important event in our lives. To introduce the series I have interviewed my husband in the hope that it helps to brings back what happened during and after the birth of my daughter.

1. What were your thoughts and feelings leading up to the birth of your child?

On finding out we were pregnant expecting our first child was initially quite a strange feeling, one of those life affirming moments…buying you first car/house…getting married, but expecting a baby to be introduced to our home seemed to top the lot. In the months leading up to my daughter’s birth, I politely smiled and nodded as well-meaning people kept trying to prepare me for fatherhood by telling me the same tired cliches: “Say goodbye to your social life!” or “Get plenty of sleep now, because soon you’ll be wishing you could.” I was really excited to share in the pregnancy and plan for our new arrival.

2. As a birth partner, how did you prepare for the birth?

As this was our first baby I was determined to give Claire as much support as I could during her pregnancy. This included attending all of the scans, helping out a bit more generally at home, and giving lots of back massages from week 30 onwards!! As D-day got a bit closer, I attended the NCT classes with Claire. It was only from attending the NCT classes that I realised just how many ways in which the delivery of a baby can be done, I felt a bit overwhelmed and kind of silly that I didn’t know half of the stuff being discussed, quite a lot of terminology I hadn’t even heard before. I didn’t fully appreciate what a big deal breastfeeding is for mum and baby! The NCT classes touched on the emotional side of things which I hadn’t appreciated and the fact that my role as husband/birthing partner was so important. This all helped me feel more a part of the process and connect more with Claire during the latter stages of her pregnancy.

I also found a lot of useful information from the emails I signed up to from the baby-centre website and even found myself googling some of the symptoms my wife was having during the latter stages of her pregnancy to get myself up to speed with what she was going through (even finding myself on mumsnet to see what was being discussed in the forums some internal searched threw out).

We both went to the hospital to the open evenings to see the birth centre and some of the delivery rooms. Good for asking some of the practical sort of questions and finding out where to go when the big day happens.

3. Tell us a little about your partners birth?

We went over our due date by 2 weeks and so were booked in for induction. Induction day came and off we went on a Sunday evening to the hospital. Excited, eager, worried, agitated, mainly excited as we were getting closer to meet our baby girl (we had found out the sex beforehand). Little did I/we appreciate that how long this process can take…72 hours of varying degrees of labour, one pessary, 2 injections of pethadine, 12 hours of self-administered epidural pain relief later, on the following Wednesday morning our baby girl was born via C section. The talks regarding natural births in the hospitals birthing suite in a pool seemed a distant memory.

During all of this time in the hospital there was obviously lots of consultation with doctors and midwifes, who all kept us well informed and gave us every opportunity to deliver naturally. In the end the C section became the clear correct choice as our baby was not in an ideal position and as meconium had been detected in the waters it was a case of making the correct choice for the health of the baby.
4. What were you most afraid of during your partner’s birth?

I was most afraid for the health of Claire and baby. Nothing seemed to be going to plan at all during our birth so towards to end it became very stressful. The comfort we did have was from the calmness of the doctors and midwifes and the fact that throughout all the drugs and length of time, the baby’s heart rate remained constant and stable. I remember each evening just looking at the monitor and listening to the beeps of the heartbeat as Claire was trying to get some rest.

5. What was the best and most positive part of your partners birth?

Has to be when my baby was handed over to me in the theatre after the C section, seeing her eyes for the first time blinking and her hands doing that curled up baby wave, then leaning nearer to the bed to show Claire as she was lying down. There was a moment as Claire was still in theatre that I shared with the baby in the next room (aptly named the recovery room!!) where we were able to say our first hello’s. The proudest moment was then sharing the news with our parents, close family and later on friends.
6. How did you support your partner and baby after the birth?

As Claire was in obvious discomfort from the c section I was eager to do all that I could to help out, this meant being by her side constantly and attending to baby when she needed feeding and changing. When we eventually got home I was determined to do everything I could for Claire and baby during my 2 week paternity leave from work.
7. What advice would you give to a birthing partner?

Prepare well both in terms of what to expect and in practical terms.
I found attending NCT classes and reading up on the birth were useful as when we were in discussions with the doctors regarding processes, and drugs etc that you don’t get lost in the terminology and are aren’t overwhelmed when you get there. In practical terms, lots of coins for car parking meters, vending machines, coffee shops! Also talking though what your wife/partner wants from the birth so you can support in the decision making and remind them of their initial plan.

It was so nice to receive the response from my husband, it’s amazing to see the story from the other side and to look back on our birth experience. I hope you enjoyed reading.

If you would like to take part in my series, then just drop me an email: thepramshedblog@gmail.com

Claire x

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43 Comments

  1. beccatooth June 3, 2016 / 9:33 am

    72 hours…you hero! This was a really good read. It is nice to hear how well he looked after you! I am looking forward to seeing my husband’s responses 🙂 #triballove

    • The Pramshed June 3, 2016 / 11:48 am

      Thanks Becca, looking forward to getting your responses 🙂 x

  2. islandliving365 June 3, 2016 / 9:54 am

    Awww you sound like you two have an amazing partnership. Just lovely and I am going to love this series, seeing it from the other side or should that be end???? 🙂

    • The Pramshed June 3, 2016 / 11:48 am

      Thanks Emma, hope you enjoy the series 🙂 x

  3. Ruth Jayne June 3, 2016 / 10:55 am

    This is a great idea for a series. It’s so interesting to see what the birth was like from the other point of view. Everyone is focussed on mum and baby that it’s easy to forget that dad’s life is changing completely too. And I never really thought before about how he might have been effected by seeing me in a lot of obvious discomfort while trying to bring a baby into the world. Still, it sounds like I had a far easier time of it than you. 72 hours – what?! x
    #triballove

    • The Pramshed June 3, 2016 / 11:47 am

      Thanks Ruth, yes it was a really long process! But it’s interesting now I can’t really remember it x

  4. RachelSwirl June 3, 2016 / 1:29 pm

    Oooo I’d love to read Pauls view of our two children’s births. He would probably write “nightmare” a lot… #picknmix

    • The Pramshed June 3, 2016 / 6:31 pm

      Just let me know if you would like to take part 🙂 x

  5. occupation:(m)other June 3, 2016 / 2:12 pm

    This is such a wonderful idea for a series and so important to hear from the (as you say, often overlooked) birth partner. My midwives talk about the birth creating a family and are very inclusive of my husband which helps me enormously as I’m sure it does him. Please thank your husband for sharing his perspective of your shared birth experience. Great advice as well! #triballove

    • The Pramshed June 3, 2016 / 6:31 pm

      Thank you Lucy for your lovely comment, I will be sure to thank my husband, I know it took him a while to write it. Hope you enjoy the series 🙂 xx

    • The Pramshed June 3, 2016 / 6:30 pm

      Thank you Debra for your kind words 🙂 x

  6. justsayingmum June 3, 2016 / 4:00 pm

    Oh this is such a wonderful idea for a post and I think it will prove very popular as a series. You sound like you have the most amazing supportive relationship it’s beautiful to read and I think your hubby has set the bar high for other men! All those back massages from 30 weeks!! Good lovely with the series – I’ll see if my hubby can remember that far back #triballove x

    • The Pramshed June 3, 2016 / 6:29 pm

      Thanks Helen, that means a lot for you to say that. I hope the series does well, let me know if you want to take part xx

  7. Sarah @ Mum & Mor June 3, 2016 / 6:46 pm

    A fantastic idea for a post. I’m hoping my boyfriend will complete his answers soon for you. #TribalLove

  8. Squirmy Popple June 3, 2016 / 9:29 pm

    I think my husband can relate to a lot of the feelings that your husband had. While it’s harder for us mums (obviously!), it’s also hard for our partners to watch us going through something as difficult as labour and not be able to do much to help. My husband was more emotional than I was after the birth – I think I was just relieved to not be in pain anymore! #triballove

    • The Pramshed June 3, 2016 / 9:33 pm

      Same here Katie Popple, I think I was just glad it was over. Thank you so much for your lovely comment 🙂 x

  9. lucyinoz June 4, 2016 / 12:51 am

    Ah what a lovely post, great idea & I loved reading x #PickNMix

  10. Sarah June 4, 2016 / 11:29 am

    I’m excited for this series to start. I think it’s such a great idea to learn more about what’s it’s like from a birthing partners point to of view. Your partner sounds like such a supportive man. Look forward to reading more!#TribalLove

    • The Pramshed June 13, 2016 / 8:55 pm

      Thanks Sarah, just let me know if you would like to be involved. Claire x

  11. mummy and monkeys June 9, 2016 / 5:44 pm

    I really enjoyed reading this and it’s made me all emotional. So lovely to see into the minds of the other partner during such an amazing and sometimes stressful time. Thanks so much for linking up to #PickNMix

    • The Pramshed June 13, 2016 / 8:44 pm

      Thank you so much for your lovely comment, I think it’s really important that we hear it from the other side to help us understand a 360 view of the event. Claire x

  12. Silly Mummy June 9, 2016 / 11:29 pm

    Great idea for a series! Very interesting to hear another perspective on birth stories. #picknmix

    • The Pramshed June 13, 2016 / 8:41 pm

      Thank you, I really hope it goes well. If you would like to be part of my series, just let me know. Claire x

  13. mumzilla June 14, 2016 / 9:27 pm

    This is lovely – and Him Indoors has miraculously agreed to do this as well! #KCACOLS #tribe

    • The Pramshed June 14, 2016 / 9:30 pm

      Amazing thanks Sarah! Looking forward to reading the response xx

  14. Tracey Bowden June 14, 2016 / 9:36 pm

    I can see this being a really popular series and I think it is great to hear about the birth story from the other side especially as sometimes the partners can be forgotten about in all of this! #kcacols

  15. randommusings29 June 15, 2016 / 6:13 pm

    Great idea for a series, it was really interesting reading about the experience from a partner’s point of view. It sounds like he was really involved at every stage which I think is great
    Thanks for linking up to #BloggerClubUK 🙂
    Debbie

    • The Pramshed June 15, 2016 / 6:18 pm

      Thanks Debbie for your kind words. I hope the series is a success xx

    • The Pramshed June 15, 2016 / 8:30 pm

      Thanks lovely, let me know if you would like to take part x

  16. Educating Roversi June 15, 2016 / 8:31 pm

    This is a brilliant idea for a post! So interesting hearing birth stories from ‘the other side’ – ha ha! If you ever need a partner to interview, i’m sure my hubby would do it. Plus, I LOVE your new logo! #KCACOLS

  17. Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons June 16, 2016 / 12:54 pm

    Love this idea for a series! It’s so interesting to read about it from the other perspective. In all honesty I was so out of it during my labour I don’t really have any idea how my husband felt, although I know he was pretty nervous at points. You two sound like a great partnership – really supportive of each other. Love your new logo too by the way! I’ve been on holiday for a bit, so apologies if it’s old news now! 🙂 #BloggerClubUK

  18. crummymummy1 June 16, 2016 / 2:09 pm

    It sounds like your other half really thought it all through – I don’t think the same could be said for Misery Guts! #ablogginggoodtime

  19. Bread June 16, 2016 / 8:45 pm

    As the birth partner, this is great to read. I went to the antenatal classes with my wife and learnt a lot, I’m really looking forward to the birth. #kcacols

  20. Nadia - ScandiMummy June 17, 2016 / 7:08 pm

    I think this is an interesting take on such a special moment. In a lot of ways I had my dream water birth, not other things didn’t go to plan. My mum ended up being present and that was not a wise choice, but we didn’t know that (anyway, that’s a long story which I never know if I can write about or ask my OH about, as it holds painful memories as well as amazing ones for us both), but great idea for a series.

    Also,I love the new design! Sorry that I’ve only just seen it. #KCACOLS

  21. Mummy in a TuTu (@mummyinatutu) June 17, 2016 / 10:16 pm

    Awww bless! That sounds like one very supportive partner and this is such a lovely idea for a series – can’t wait to contribute!
    Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime #triballove xoxo

  22. A Moment With Franca June 19, 2016 / 1:36 am

    What an interesting post. It is always nice to hear what our partners have to say of the experience of having a baby. I remember my poor husband had to receive lots of pulling and pushing from me when I was in so much pain. I’m actually now laughing about it but at the time I know he was so worried and stressed. I think it is very hard to be at the other side as I think they feel helpless sometimes but what a wonderful joy to be able to witness the whole experience and recall even better ever single moment. Lovely series. Thanks for sharing this at #KCACOLS, 🙂 x

  23. ShoeboxofM June 21, 2016 / 7:18 am

    This is a brilliant post. Would you mind if I shared it with the #MatExp crowd? As the name suggests they are all about maternity experience and learning from stories and different perspectives.

    #BloggerClubUK

    • The Pramshed June 21, 2016 / 8:17 am

      Hi lovely of course, please go ahead and share, share, share xx

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