When I look at you I see your wonderful smile, your sense of fun, and this jumping bunny of a toddler that my husband and I have created and brought up. It is really wonderful to see, and although you test me some days, most of time we have so much fun on the days that we have together.
However I can feel these days slipping away. With a new baby on the way, something I have no idea how you will react to. It has made me realise that when I think back to you being a newborn, 6 months old or a year old I struggle to remember what you looked like, how you behaved and acted, and those little coo-ing baby noises you made. Only a picture will bring back the memories, and even then when I look at pictures of you I still struggle to remember what you actually looked like or did. Somehow a picture doesn’t seem to suffice, it only captures a moment and not actual life.
I wonder if this is normal to forget what you looked like? I don’t mean this entirely, but more I have forgotten the little intricacies and behaviours. Spending every minute of the day with you means I don’t necessarily see all the changes to your face, it happens gradually, and I think this is why I find it hard to remember what you looked like a year ago, as I am so focused on what you look like now.
I wonder if my parents still remember what I looked like when I was younger, instead of having to turn to a photo?
To be honest it scares me a little. It scares me how quickly time is going. How you will be three years old, and how it will have been three years since you were born. Those three years have passed by in the blink of an eye. I certainly know what people mean by the saying “The days are long, but the years are short”.
It has made me wake up a little, and made me live a little more in the present. Taking you all in, as you won’t be small forever. Next September you will start school, and just that alone makes me worry. I know that you will be fine, you love nursery, but I wonder how you will cope being in school for five days a week. It will be a lovely break for me, but at the same time I know that I will miss you, and part of me will want you to return back to the baby and toddler days.
One thing I do know is that I need to be better at creating photo albums, which will give me no excuse to forget what you looked like. It’s all well and good having photos on my phone, or on Facebook or Instagram, or this blog of mine. But that’s only a snapshot and doesn’t capture everything. So I’ve made a pact with myself, that each year I will put together a photograph album of you, for you.
Just looking back through your 1st year album brought back a ton of memories, you loved looking through it together, and often wondering who the tiny baby was in the photos. It was you. So just as much as it’s vital for me to have those memories, it’s also vital for you too.
I hope that as time passes I don’t forget what you looked like when you were two, or when you take my hand to play with your dolls house, or when you constantly badger me for food in the kitchen.
Your childhood is so short, and with a new baby soon to arrive, it’s more important than ever that I dedicate time for you, and we have fun together before the carnage of a newborn hits the scene. But more importantly I need to really capture these days, and etch them permanently into my memory before they disappear for good.