This is my second pregnancy, and during both pregnancies the fear of missing out has struck me many times. It’s funny it catches me when I’m least expecting it, a simple What’s App message can set it off. I feel like I’m missing out on being with my friends, on late night dinners, on holidays, and on spending proper time with my daughter.
During my first pregnancy I was working in advertising. Being in an environment which spun around office parties and going to the pub after work, was incredibly hard. Not to mention having to hide it before Christmas, so that any work or client parties I politely declined to avoid having to hide not drinking. It was a relief in the New Year when the secret was out.
However I still had that feeling I was missing out. Missing out of the fun, and that was hard.
This time round it’s slightly easier. Hiding the first trimester was easier as I wasn’t working in an office. Being able to snuggle under the duvet at home to work was so much better. But that didn’t erase the feeling that I couldn’t do everything.
Seeing messages from friends on What’s App arranging dinner, and knowing that I just didn’t have the energy to go, and declining made my heart ache and worry. What would they think of me, or they must have been thinking I was pregnant. Yes I wanted to be there, but really what I needed was a hot bath and bed.
Not being able to spend Christmas Day enjoying champagne and wine was tough. I know that you’re probably thinking it’s pregnancy, it doesn’t last forever, enjoy it. But when everyone around you is having fun and you’re feeling tired and like you want to vomit is incredibly tough.
Hearing of friends travel plans and seeing photos on Facebook and Instagram instantly fills me with jealously. Yes we have travel plans later this year, and I can’t wait to go away, but it’s not quite the same when you have little ones to look after. I would love to go away and not have a care in the world, and relax on a sun lounger by the pool with a book.
I guess that what I’m trying to say is I hope normal. I’m sure that this is what many women in pregnancy experience, and I’m sure that the pregnancy hormones play a part in feeling this way as well.
Don’t get me wrong pregnancy is wonderful and I am really enjoying it. I am grateful for it, and I know that falling pregnant is not easy for everyone. Plus it doesn’t last forever, it’s only 40 short weeks. However that doesn’t stop me from feeling the fear of missing out, which is very real.
I’m wondering if this fear stems from us feeling like we have to have it all. We have to feel like we are superstars all the time. We have to almost prove ourselves. Prove ourselves in careers, or as a Mum, and manage a house, and be seen as someone who can work hard and play hard. However pregnancy is hard, and not being able to do something because of it can put that fear into us.
But pregnancy is nothing to shy away from, it’s real and it should be embraced. So I have 16 weeks to go, and I am no longer having to hide my bump now that I’m in the second trimester. Plus it’s now actually quite fun to use pregnancy as an excuse to avoid some things.
Did you feel this way during pregnancy? I would love to know that it isn’t just me, and that it’s pretty normal to feel this way.