The Partner’s View – Pears and Chocolate Sauce

The Partner’s View – Pears and Chocolate Sauce

This week I’m excited to introduce Becca from Pears and Chocolate Sauce to my guest series – The Partner’s View. Becca’s husband writes very openly and honestly about child birth, and how amazing the body is to create and give birth to a baby. I know very few people who managed to use a midwife led unit, and have a water birth, and it is lovely reading Becca’s story.

What were your thoughts and feelings leading up to the birth of your child?

I was nervous and excited. It was helpful that a few of our mates, including my brother, had already had babies, so that gave me an idea of what to expect. I really enjoyed planning all the things that we would do, and imagining how our lives would change. But I was also worried about some elements – about my wife and looking after her. Birth in the UK is so safe, but it’s still a risk. I also wondered how I’d connect with a little baby – I’d had such little experience of them.

As a birth partner, how did you prepare for the birth?
We did NCT classes which was a big help – learning about who to expect in the room, what would or could take place, what might be asked. I was amazed at what my wife’s body would do to adapt to this little baby growing inside of her. My wife and I talked a fair bit about our hopes and expectations for the birth. I wanted to make sure I knew her wishes if I needed to speak for her.

Tell us a little about your partners birth?
It went reasonably well. It was the busiest day that they had had at the hospital for a very long time so we didn’t perhaps get the best attention. Having said that, the midwife we were given was fantastic. We’d hoped to be in the midwife led unit but when we arrived that was full. However we were moved there after around three hours. We were told that there would be around half an hour wait for the room she was supposed to be moved to, and were put in a triage room in the meantime, but the half hour became seven or eight hours. My wife was amazing! She was on a very narrow bed, in a pretty basic room without even gas and air hooked up. Our midwife was brilliant and scoured the building for any portable gas and air tanks – she had to do this several times as one tank broke and another was emptied! After a few long hours of heroism, we got into the room – it was a really good feeling to finally get in and have access to the pool! My wife wasn’t in for long and the midwife’s shift ended. While our new midwife was reading the notes, Becs felt the urge to push and the head was born! I rushed out to find the midwife and the moment she arrived, the rest of the baby followed! And Becs picked up this little purple bundle out of the water.

What were you most afraid of during your partner’s birth?
I was concerned about the pain being too much; the gas and air was sketchy at best. She was handling it well but she was exhausted and was ‘in the zone’. It was strange for her to be so uncommunicative and I found it hard to know how to help.

What was the best and most positive part of your partners birth?
The actual birth, without a doubt. Meeting my little girl; telling my wife we’d had a boy (I was tired too!); cutting the cord; and choosing her name. It was such an awesome feeling.

How did you support your partner and baby after the birth?
I did as much as I could to enable both of them to sleep and rest. That probably included hiding how nervous I was about doing things I didn’t really know how to do and trying to be strong! I’d love to take full credit but my mother in law had cooked at least a weeks worth of meals for us and our church did another fortnight, which really enabled me to focus on my wife and the baby.

What advice would you give to a birthing partner?
Study up – go to classes or do as much as you can to be prepared. Make sure the mother isn’t the only one who knows all the details, in case she needs you to speak for her. Bring food. More food that you’d expect – you can’t leave the room as easily as you might think and it could go on for a while! This one I wasn’t expecting, so I’ll give you a heads up – it’s gets lonely, especially if your wife isn’t able to talk. The midwives, understandably, are not focused on you, and neither is anyone else. There’s nothing you can do about it – but be prepared!

A little bit about Becca:Β 

“I’m a wife, a Mum to 2 year old T, and a primary school teacher. I’m passionate about providing playful learning experiences for kids, and that is mostly what you’ll find over on my blog, along with the occasional family recipe and amusing tale!”
You can find Becca on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and on her blog.
If you would like to join my guest series, please drop me an email at thepramshedblog@gmail.com, I would love to read and publish your stories.
Claire x

 

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34 Comments

  1. occupation:(m)other July 20, 2016 / 10:38 am

    This is wonderful…such an honest real account. There are a few really key things that stood out for me like the fact it can be lonely for the partner and strange to see their partner uncommunicative or handling the sensations. Also the importance of meals when you get home…what an amazing mother in law and church. I think birth partners are such a crucial part of a birth experience – this is another fantastic insight into their experiences. It really moved me actually. Thank you to Becca and her husband for taking part in this one. Such a fab series lovely! X

    • The Pramshed July 22, 2016 / 7:53 pm

      Ah thanks lovely what a lovely comment to make! It must be super scary for the partner at the time, and I love being able to read about the experiences and share them with my readers πŸ™‚ x

  2. Sarah - Mum & Mor July 23, 2016 / 8:32 am

    What I’ve learned from this series so far is that a lot of partners have similar thoughts and worries. It must be frightening to see your partner lying there in pain and not being able to do much about it. Thanks for sharing your answers. πŸ™‚ #fortheloveofBLOG
    Sarah – Mum & Mor recently posted…5 Things I’d Change About My Labour And ChildbirthMy Profile

  3. themotherhub July 23, 2016 / 8:36 am

    Another lovely story..a water birth sounds really intriguing . I have to say I didn’t give my partner a minutes thought during labour so it’s interesting to hear these stories! #fortheloveofblog
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    • The Pramshed July 26, 2016 / 10:51 pm

      Thanks lovely, it’s so nice reading the story from the other perspective πŸ™‚ x

  4. powerporter July 23, 2016 / 10:19 am

    How do we sign up to this brilliant church?? Two weeks of meals!! It sounds like you were pulled from pillar to post but got there in the end!! How magical to get a water birth too. Welldone Dad for standing back, it can’t be easy but it sounds like you were a great support to your wife! #fortheloveofBLOG
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    • The Pramshed July 26, 2016 / 10:50 pm

      Thanks for the lovely comment, it’s a brilliant story to read and food is always the best to have plenty of πŸ™‚ x

  5. thetaleofmummyhood July 23, 2016 / 11:18 am

    Ah lovely! I can really relate to this, I had a water birth with my second and similarly I didn’t spend a great deal of time in there before my daughter was born!

    #fortheloveofBLOG
    thetaleofmummyhood recently posted…Positivity Breeds Positivity…My Profile

    • The Pramshed July 26, 2016 / 10:49 pm

      Lucky you having a water birth, the second one is always much quicker πŸ™‚ x

  6. theirishbabyfairy July 23, 2016 / 1:38 pm

    Lovely story, as a midwife myself, it’s so rare to hear the birth story from the perspective of the dad. And I agree that they do get ignored a little bit in labour ward and maybe this is something that needs to be highlighted in antenatal classes. #ForTheLoveOfBLOG
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    • The Pramshed July 26, 2016 / 10:48 pm

      I love reading the birth story from the other side, and it’s clear that the partner is worried and lonely most of the time. Does more need to be done to support them? πŸ™‚ x

  7. Squirmy Popple July 23, 2016 / 7:26 pm

    Bring food is good advice, as the hospital food is crap! The midwife brought me toast after labour but I wasn’t ready to eat yet, so my husband had it – he hadn’t eaten anything in nearly 16 hours either and was ready to pass out! #fortheloveofBLOG
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    • The Pramshed July 26, 2016 / 10:45 pm

      Definitely I remember the food being so salty! And always the same. We had a massive bag of snacks for my husband πŸ™‚ x

  8. Abi July 23, 2016 / 8:32 pm

    I’m really loving this series, it’s so interesting to hear what the dads think! My husband said he felt the same when I went “in the zone”, he didn’t know what to do with himself because the midwife told him to leave me to it (so he had a nap!!) lovely to have such support afterwards #fortheloveofBLOG

    • The Pramshed July 26, 2016 / 10:44 pm

      I love the series too, it’s so interesting hearing it from the other perspective as often the partner’s are overlooked. It’s great to hear how they are feeling at the time πŸ™‚ x

  9. Grounded Mummy July 23, 2016 / 8:48 pm

    This is so lovely, I love that you have been so frank and honest, thank you for sharing. So nice to hear of a water birth too, those stories are too few. Well done for being such a supportive birth partner and congrats on your little girl. #fortheloveofblog
    Grounded Mummy recently posted…Too posh to push. Part 2!My Profile

    • The Pramshed July 26, 2016 / 10:42 pm

      It’s fab that a water birth was managed, I’ve not heard of many people to have one πŸ™‚ x

  10. Sunita July 24, 2016 / 7:33 am

    Always nice reading about the partner’s view on stuff. I’m sure us ladies baffle our partners especially during childbirth!! I know going to NCT classes helped us both to get our heads around what could happen. x Sunita #fortheloveofBLOG
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    • The Pramshed July 26, 2016 / 10:40 pm

      Definitely, I think it’s really important that they are involved to help with the decision process during our time of need πŸ™‚ x

  11. bridiebythesea July 24, 2016 / 2:58 pm

    This is such an honest account – I think it’s wonderful that Becca’s other half knew what to expect and that they discussed their hopes and expectations for the birth. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the pregnancy and not talk about it, and it’s so important that your partner can speak for you if needed. We also went to NCT classes and it was such a huge help for both of us xx #fortheloveofBLOG
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    • The Pramshed July 26, 2016 / 10:39 pm

      Thanks lovely for your comment, I think that being armed with information and knowledge is key : x

  12. wendy July 24, 2016 / 10:42 pm

    It makes such a nice change to read a birth story from the partners perspective. Thus series would make a great read fir expectant dads. I think it is great Becca and her husband did classes together and discussed the birth a lot before the big day arrived.xx #fortheloveofBLOG
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    • The Pramshed July 26, 2016 / 10:37 pm

      Yes it really would Wendy. I’m trying to find ways to tap into that audience to share these posts with πŸ™‚ x

  13. Helena July 25, 2016 / 10:11 pm

    Thank you for giving us your first hand account of what it is like for partners. So often we read accounts from the one who has given birth that it’s lovely to read another perspective. #fortheloveofBLOG
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    • The Pramshed July 26, 2016 / 10:32 pm

      I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed reading, and it’s great reading about it from another angle. Thanks for reading and commenting πŸ™‚ x

  14. Jane Taylor Maflingo July 25, 2016 / 11:56 pm

    It’s so helpful to go to NCT or other antenatal classes. We stayed in touch with several of the couples from our local antenatal class and having folks to share the ‘new parent’ experience was so reassuring. Great post, thanks to Becca and her partner! #Fortheloveofblog

    • The Pramshed July 26, 2016 / 10:32 pm

      Yes we are as well, although I don’t see them as much now that I’ve gone back to work. Thanks for reading and commenting πŸ™‚ x

  15. Geraldine July 26, 2016 / 9:40 am

    Great post! I never thought that it might be lonely on the other side actually but that makes a lot of sense. At the end of the day, the mother and baby are top priority. #fortheloveofblog

    • The Pramshed July 26, 2016 / 10:31 pm

      Absolutely. I think it’s very lonely and a time when the partner doesn’t really know what to do. Thanks for reading and commenting πŸ™‚ x

  16. Mummy and the Mexicans July 29, 2016 / 1:51 pm

    It’s great you had such a lot of support, especially all the frozen meals afterwards, what a blessing! I’m always impressed at how my husband managed to stay with me watching what was happening all through my caesarean – at least I couldn’t see what was happening! #FortheloveofBLOG

    • The Pramshed July 29, 2016 / 10:07 pm

      Thanks for reading and commenting. C-sections are certainly no walk in the park, lots of meals in the freezer are such a good tip πŸ™‚ x

  17. Tracey Bowden August 1, 2016 / 9:46 am

    Some great honest advice there for the dads. I think with all the focus being on the mum people kind of forget about he dads just standing there feeling helpless. Great interview #fortheloveofblog (apologies for the late comment)
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    • The Pramshed August 1, 2016 / 10:02 pm

      No worries for the late commenting πŸ™‚ I love running this series, it’s so interesting hearing it from the other side πŸ™‚ x

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