The Partner’s View – Mother Hermit

Partner's View Mother Hermit

This week I’m excited to introduce Vanessa from Mother Hermit as part of my guest series – The Partner’s View. Vanessa’s partner talks about the differences in their birth experience between their two children, this makes for a great read as it is fascinating to see how it differs second time round, as they are more prepared. Also, well done on getting to use the birth centre too.

What were your thoughts and feelings leading up to the birth of your child?

Fear and excitement, I was worried that I couldn’t support my new baby.  I was terrified that I just wouldn’t know how to be a parent and how to deal with all the different scenarios being a dad would throw at me, both financial and emotional.  With the birth of our second child I wasn’t worried at all because I thought I’d been through it all before.  Little did I know doing all the stuff we had already got good at, with a 2 year old would be twice as hard!

As a birth partner, how did you prepare for the birth?

With Violet I did copious amounts of research and book reading.  Oh and rocking back and forth and sweating!

Tell us a little about your partners birth?

The first birth was really tough on Vanessa, I think the fear of giving birth first time contributed to this, but the birth itself was an extremely long labour, gas and air and an epidural was involved (it didn’t work), then Violet got stuck and started to panic so the forceps were used too.  With Billy, it was very quick and we only just made it to the hospital in time, it sounded just as painful though!  I spent the entire time next to the pool holding Vanessa’s hand and looking at the floor.

What were you most afraid of during your partner’s birth?

With Violet, the health of both baby and mother when it became apparent that it wasn’t going to be routine.

What was the best and most positive part of your partners birth?

With Violet, it was just the fact that both were OK, with Billy it was that we had him in the birthing centre and pool, which is what Vanessa wanted all along.

How did you support your partner and baby after the birth?

Just by doing what I could while I was on paternity leave, little things around the house and picking things up for mother and baby.  With Violet I was quite good with the night feeds etc. but I’ve been a bit useless with Billy because we have another baby and with my work commitments

What advice would you give to a birthing partner?

Be prepared.  Be prepared for it to be a long day, and a long few weeks afterwards.  I was very lucky in that Vanessa made sure I knew what I was doing.  Oh, and remember to take into account any road closures/road works on your route to the hospital.  Billy was nearly born in the front seat because I didn’t do this!

A little bit about Vanessa

“Hi! I’m Vanessa, 27, been with my best friend Gareth now for six years and together we have two beautiful children, a little girl (V) who’s 2 and a brand new baby boy- Feb 2016- (B)!

I’m a full time Mother to V & B as I decided not to return to my job as a Complaint’s Advisor in finance, whilst on maternity leave with my daughter in 2014 and have never looked back! I spend everyday with my kids and our dog Lola and now feel like I finally have the best job in the world!
I’m very new to the blogging world and have only been doing it since March this year (2016). I call myself Mother Hermit as I find it difficult to make new friends and often find myself feeling a bit lonely but since I’ve joined the blogging community, I’ve found some lovely people to talk to online!”

You can find Vanessa on Twitter and Instagram, and on her website.

The Pramshed


    • The Pramshed
      June 26, 2016 / 9:29 pm

      Thank you lovely! Every experience is different, and can change quickly. I love reading about it from the other side x

  1. Mrs Lighty June 25, 2016 / 9:26 am

    It’s so easy to overlook the partner when it comes to the birth experience, so we’ll done for highlighting this. #fortheloveofBLOG

    • The Pramshed
      June 26, 2016 / 9:28 pm

      Yep I agree with you, we focus on ourselves and baby, and forget that they are there – well I did for part of it, but I couldn’t have done it without him x

  2. aliduke79hotmailcom June 25, 2016 / 10:32 am

    It is nice to hear the view of the male partner, I think they do get left out a little in the planning of it all.

    • The Pramshed
      June 26, 2016 / 9:28 pm

      Thanks Ali! Yep, my felt a bit clueless, we were in the hands of the doctors so there was not a lot that he could do x

      • aliduke79hotmailcom June 26, 2016 / 9:53 pm

        It must be really hard for them, seeing us in pain and struggling. I know I would feel clueless if it was me.

  3. thetaleofmummyhood June 25, 2016 / 1:04 pm

    This is such a good series, when we are in labour you give little thought to how our partners are getting on (we are a little busy though!). It’s insightful to hear their side of the story.


    • The Pramshed
      June 26, 2016 / 9:25 pm

      Completely agree with that, you forget about them and focus on solely on baby and you xx

  4. Nursery Whines June 25, 2016 / 3:58 pm

    It is really interesting to read about birth from the partner’s perspective. Sounds like Gareth did a great job. #fortheloveofBLOG

  5. Baby Anon June 25, 2016 / 7:22 pm

    What a lovely post. I love the fact that you feature the partners as it is a tough, scary time for them too. Great series x #fortheloveofBLOG

    • The Pramshed
      June 26, 2016 / 9:24 pm

      Thanks lovely, I really enjoy reading about it from the other side, I think because I know my partner had a scary and not knowing what to do 60 hours before my little girl was born, and then you get swept up in looking after a baby, that you don’t really find out how they felt xx

      • Baby Anon June 26, 2016 / 9:30 pm

        Gosh that must have been scary! We had baby doing a poo and the resuscitation people behind the curtain – I had no idea they were there but poor husband did xx

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  6. beccaweatherall June 25, 2016 / 9:05 pm

    A fabulous idea to present the partner’s perspective. They must feel a huge sense of helplessness and responsibility. It’s tough being a Daddy too! x #fortheloveofBLOG

    • The Pramshed
      June 26, 2016 / 9:23 pm

      Thanks Becca! I love reading the other side’s story, and I agree with you it is so hard being a Daddy x

    • The Pramshed
      June 26, 2016 / 9:22 pm

      Thanks Lisa! It’s true the partner is overlooked x

  7. Becky (And Then There Were Two) June 26, 2016 / 6:12 am

    Gosh it must be scary for the birth partner when things aren’t going to plan. That instinct to protect their loved one and not really being able to must be overwhelming! Thank you for sharing 🙂 #fortheloveofBLOG

    • The Pramshed
      June 26, 2016 / 9:22 pm

      Thanks Becky! Being a birth partner must be a really scary experience not really knowing what will happen, and facing the unknown. I love hearing the experience from the other side x

  8. Agent Spitback June 26, 2016 / 7:21 am

    This is such a great idea – to look through the eyes of the partner and read about what they experienced. I enjoyed reading and finding out more about Gareth and Vanessa and their little family. Every birth experience is indeed very different. #triballove

    • The Pramshed
      June 26, 2016 / 9:21 pm

      Thanks El! I hope the series is a success, I love finding out about other people’s birth experiences x

  9. occupation:(m)other June 26, 2016 / 12:43 pm

    I’m always amazed (and hopeful!) with how different first and second births can be. Lovely to hear Gareth’s perspective and lovely to read at the end that blogging has given Vanessa lots of lovely people to connect with #fortheloveofBLOG

    • The Pramshed
      June 26, 2016 / 9:20 pm

      Thanks Lucy! It’s amazing how different both births were xx

  10. Emma Plus Three June 26, 2016 / 2:23 pm

    Very interesting to see things from the partners perspective x #fortheloveofBLOG

  11. Squirmy Popple June 26, 2016 / 2:34 pm

    I love getting the partner’s point of view on labour and birth. It sounds like Gareth was a great birth partner – it’s so important to have someone supportive at your side. #fortheloveofBLOG

    • The Pramshed
      June 26, 2016 / 9:19 pm

      Thanks Katie for your lovely comment, I’m sure that Vanessa will love that x

  12. Kelly Edwards June 26, 2016 / 3:07 pm

    He sounds so supportive! Not that any man would sit in the corner saying “whatever”. It must have been so hard for him when things started not going to plan to not be able to do anything. #triballove

    • The Pramshed
      June 26, 2016 / 9:18 pm

      Thanks Kelly, it’s great that Vanessa had a really supportive partner and understood that they both needed to be flexible x

  13. Jane Taylor June 26, 2016 / 9:06 pm

    Ah, he sounds so thoughtful, Vanessa. I’m enjoying this series, Claire. #FortheloveofBlog

    • The Pramshed
      June 26, 2016 / 9:15 pm

      Thanks Jane! It’s really lovely seeing the experience from the other side. Claire x

  14. babybykaybee June 27, 2016 / 6:20 pm

    Its so nice to hear how other Dads cope during labor and birth 🙂 #fortheloveofblog I am really enjoying this little series!

  15. ohlucy June 28, 2016 / 3:00 pm

    Awww, I don’t know why I always find it so sweet when Dad’s panic about being a parent and do all the reading etc. Usually means they will be great! 🙂 Lucy xx #TribalLove

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