The Partner’s View – Dadbloguk.com

The Partner’s View – Dadbloguk.com

This week I’m really excited to introduce John Adams of Dadbloguk to my guest series – The Partner’s View. John is married to Gill. He is a stay at home dad with two daughters; Helen aged seven and Izzy, aged three. John has been writing Dadbloguk.com since 2012. He was present at both births and here he shares his experiences and how different they both were. 

What were your thoughts and feelings leading up to the birth of your child?

I was very nervous leading up to the birth of both my children. Before the arrival of Helen, my eldest, I was worried about how I would cope as a father. When Izzy came along three and a bit years later, I was concerned about how we’d cope as a family and what Helen would think of her younger sibling.

Both times I was very concerned for Gill, my wife. Giving birth isn’t always straightforward and so I was worried about the kind of experience she might have.

As a birth partner, how did you prepare for the birth?

Gill and I spoke together about the birthing plan and I made sure I knew it inside out. I also read a number of parenting books and attend National Childbirth Trust classes. It’s definitely advisable to take these steps. Sure, you never know what’s going to happen when the labour starts but to turn up clueless suggests you don’t care. I’m unequivocal in my stance; you are equally responsible for this child, your responsibility starts well before they are even born.

Tell us a little about your partners birth?

Both births were radically different. Helen’s birth involved a 33-hour labour and she was delivered via forceps in an operating theatre. Although discharged the next day, she was unable to leave the house for a couple of weeks and it took about six weeks for her to recover fully.

Izzy’s birth was the complete opposite. From beginning to end labour was five hours and the final stage just 15 minutes. Gill had nothing more than gas and air and she recovered much more quickly.

Unfortunately, however, Gill’s blood pressure rocketed up a couple of days later and she was re-admitted to hospital in case she had eclampsia. Thankfully it was a false alarm but it was a very worrying time.

What were you most afraid of during your partner’s birth?

I was afraid for my wife’s health and also for my children’s. Things can go wrong, medical professionals can make mistakes. You just don’t know. Although both births came with their complications, everything worked out in the end.

What was the best and most positive part of your partners birth?

I guess holding my child and knowing my journey as a father had just begun. After a cuddle with mum, some midwifes will wrap baby up and simply hand the child to dad and walk off. This happened to me after Helen’s birth. My wife was with the medical team for 44 minutes after the birth and I had Helen in my arms the entire time.

In my opinion this is the best thing any midwife can do. A huge amount of focus will be on mother and baby in those early days. Father and child must get familiar with each other so giving them the opportunity to spend some time together after the birth is simply genius.

How did you support your partner and baby after the birth?

After Helen’s birth I simply had to do….everything! My wife could barely walk so I had to run the household and to give Gill the opportunity to sleep and recover I took Helen into another room to sleep with me.

There’s a bit more to this story. We later found out Helen wasn’t feeding properly for the first week. She was sleeping all day but screaming all night because she was hungry and I didn’t think this was fair on Gill.

It was a crash course in parenting. Tough, but exceedingly valuable.

What advice would you give to a birthing partner?

Learn absolutely everything you can about the birthing process. Also learn about all options. As I’ve mentioned, Gill had a forceps delivery with Helen. We hadn’t even considered this as an option on the birthing plan as Gill thought she either wanted to deliver naturally or C-section. Just keep all options open.

Also, if you’re a guy (let’s not forget, same sex couple have babies too!) you have absolutely every right to be present and to be involved. No matter what anybody says, a father’s place is with his children no matter how young they are.

You can find John at Dadbloguk online, on Facebook, on Twitter, on Instagram, and on Youtube.

John, thank you so much for taking part in my guest series – The Partner’s View.

If you would also like to take part in my series, then drop me an email at thepramshedblog@gmail.com

Claire x

The Pramshed
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39 Comments

  1. Troy July 12, 2016 / 9:24 pm

    Great interview and insight to the arrival of John’s children.

    The first few weeks, no book can really prepare you for them, just have to trust your instinct as a Dad.

    Sounds like everything went very well.

    • The Pramshed July 12, 2016 / 9:38 pm

      It’s a lovely post, and yes you do just have to trust your instincts. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂 x

  2. A Mum Track Mind (@amumtrackmind) July 15, 2016 / 7:57 pm

    Just goes to show how no two labour and deliveries are the same. Mine were incredibly different too. Lovely to read this – I’m really enjoying this series Claire x #fortheloveofBLOG

    • The Pramshed July 15, 2016 / 9:58 pm

      Thanks lovely, I’m really enjoying hearing about the experience from the other side : ) x

  3. OddHogg July 16, 2016 / 8:09 am

    Really nice to see something from the Dad’s point of view for a change! Great post #fortheloveofBLOG

    • The Pramshed July 17, 2016 / 10:17 pm

      Thanks lovely, I love getting the responses back. It can be really eye-opening as they see the experience from a completely different outlook 🙂 x

  4. themotherhub July 16, 2016 / 9:36 am

    Another interesting read in this series. What strikes me is actually how utterly terrifying childbirth is , even tho it’s an everyday occurrence. It’s a crazy thing . #fortheloveofblog

    • The Pramshed July 17, 2016 / 10:11 pm

      Thanks lovely! I find all the responses so interesting and so different. Thanks so much for reading and commenting 🙂 x

  5. rightroyalmother July 16, 2016 / 11:40 am

    Great series – I think we often forget what the partner goes through. Glad all are well and happy – it really is such a scary time. #fortheloveofblog

    • The Pramshed July 17, 2016 / 10:08 pm

      I completely agree about the scary time for the partner’s, thanks for reading and commenting 🙂 x

  6. powerporter July 16, 2016 / 12:07 pm

    How crazy that the births were so different!! I couldn’t agree more about preparing my wish was to hypnobirth and my husband understanding what I was doing allowed him to get involved when he was needed. Thanks for sharing! #fortheloveofBLOG

    • The Pramshed July 17, 2016 / 10:07 pm

      It’s really important that your partner knows your wishes, and to act as your brain. Thanks for reading and commenting:) x

    • The Pramshed July 17, 2016 / 10:05 pm

      Thanks lovely for reading and commenting 🙂 x

  7. Lou July 16, 2016 / 12:41 pm

    Really nice to read about a superinvolved supportive Dad- their fears are often dismissed as all eyes on mum! #fortheloveofBLOG Lou at http://www.peppermintcove.com

    • The Pramshed July 17, 2016 / 10:04 pm

      Absolutely, their feeling are often overlooked, and often they have a very different outlook on the experience 🙂 x

  8. Back With A Bump July 16, 2016 / 7:19 pm

    It’s always nice to hear a dad’s perspective on birth and becoming a dad. Thanks for sharing and hosting #fortheloveofblog

    • The Pramshed July 17, 2016 / 9:58 pm

      No probs, I love getting the Dad’s responses back. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂 x

  9. lozandthesprog July 16, 2016 / 11:40 pm

    I love hearing about the dad’s point of view. I’m glad that partners are encouraged to be active and present during birth. My partner was the most positive aspect of my birth and his support was incredible both during and after the birth. This was a lovely post to read. #fortheloveofBLOG

    • The Pramshed July 17, 2016 / 9:54 pm

      Ah lovely they are so needed for support and to act as another brain during birth. I’m so glad you enjoyed reading and thanks for commenting 🙂 x

  10. Over Heaven's Hill July 17, 2016 / 8:27 am

    Loving this series Claire! So great to hear the thoughts of the dads who are just as important. I agree “learn everything” we have to keep our options open #fortheloveofBlog

    • The Pramshed July 17, 2016 / 9:51 pm

      Absolutely, it’s important to know everything so that informed decisions can be made. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂 x

  11. Happy Mummy July 17, 2016 / 10:01 am

    My husband found the experience quite traumatising!

    Great interview; we found NCT classes really useful too; would definitely recommend them x

    • Happy Mummy July 17, 2016 / 10:02 am

      #fortheloveofBlog – I keep forgetting the #

      • The Pramshed July 17, 2016 / 9:50 pm

        Thanks lovely, the NCT courses are so valuable to find out information, but also to make friends too. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂 x

  12. My Petit Canard July 17, 2016 / 9:22 pm

    Great idea for a guest post series. Really interesting to see and hear a fathers view and perception of the whole birthing process. I cant wait to read more guest posts 🙂 Emily #KCACOLS

    • The Pramshed July 17, 2016 / 9:41 pm

      Thanks Emily, it’s been a really good guest series so far. It’s so interesting reading about the birth story from the partner’s perspective, as often they are overlooked, but also have a completely different outlook on the experience. Thanks for reading and commenting. Claire x

  13. Mouse, Moo and Me Too July 17, 2016 / 10:38 pm

    I really like this series – amazing what you pick up. I’m also always surprised at how consistently fast second births tend to be compared to the first, the poor mums don’t get much warning! My second labour was relatively long but the active stage was less than two hours with only ten mins of pushing. I don’t think my poor husband knew what the hell was going on. Looking forward to the next one! Dad spot I mean, not baby….I am WAY done, ha. #Tribe #KCACOLS

  14. James Hopes July 17, 2016 / 11:57 pm

    For something as natural as childbirth it was a real surprise when we needed a C Section and suddenly you’re in full surgery clothes watching a pretty big operation taking place and a baby being lifted out!! Nothing really prepares you for that!!

    • The Pramshed July 19, 2016 / 10:19 pm

      I think that’s exactly how my husband felt with my birth. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂 x

  15. thefrenchiemummy July 18, 2016 / 8:37 am

    33 hours in labour?! Gosh, I don’t think I have heard of any super easy birth… Loving more and more this series. #KCACOLS

    • The Pramshed July 19, 2016 / 10:19 pm

      Thanks lovely, 33 hours labour is long enough. Why are they so long? x

  16. Jane Taylor July 18, 2016 / 10:26 pm

    I keep coming back to this series because I find the experiences of dads so interesting and varied. I can’t tell you how impactful it is to hear another perspective and I appreciate that you’ve been so honest about your experiences, John.

  17. The Unsung Mum July 20, 2016 / 12:10 pm

    Love this series so much! I’ve always wanted to know how birth and having kids effects men and this really explains what goes through there minds!! Very interesting! KCACOLS

    • The Pramshed July 22, 2016 / 7:52 pm

      Thanks lovely! It’s super interesting reading it from their perspective x

  18. Madeline Littlejohns July 22, 2016 / 2:35 pm

    Loved reading this! So nice to hear a Dad’s view on things like childbirth. I think as a women, because you’re the one actually experiencing the birth, I think you can forget how scary it can be for the man too. It’s so important for the Dad to be well-informed about what is involved. x #KCACOLS

    • The Pramshed July 22, 2016 / 7:48 pm

      Thanks lovely, I am really enjoying this series! Yes often the Dad gets overlooked and their thoughts and feeling often not considered. It’s been really interesting reading these posts so far 🙂 x

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