A few weeks ago Kat from Candyfloss and Dreams got in touch with me, and really wanted to take part in my series – The Partner’s View. Kat’s story is slightly different to my other posts as her partner wasn’t at the birth of her daughter. So for this week only, I have deviated away from the standard Question and Answer format, and let Kat provide her own story I have loved reading it and finding out a little more about Kat.
I reached out to Claire to ask if there was a way we could be a part of The Partners View series as our story is a little different. My partner, who is very much a father figure to my daughter, wasn’t there at the birth. He met her when she was two and a half and has been a part of her life ever since. We wanted to share our experiences of parenting together and how Adam felt becoming a step parent at the age of 22!
When We First Met Each Other
K: We had been texting for a few days and arranged to meet on a Friday night to see Skyfall. I was so nervous because all I had in the back of my mind was why would a twenty-one-year-old want to date a mum! It was really hard to shake off this feeling that I couldn’t really go out and enjoy myself and I didn’t want to take that away from Adam. We had a lovely first date though and he knew I had a daughter from the start, for some reason it didn’t put him off me and we continued to date for a few months before I introduced him to Evangeline.
A: Knowing that Kat was a mum certainly didn’t put me off meeting her, it really didn’t matter to me. I was just excited to meet her. We agreed that we needed to get each other a bit more before I met Evangeline because we didn’t feel it would be fair on her if we didn’t feel we had a future together. It was nice to just have some one on one time to get to know each other for those first few months.
When Evangeline Met Adam
K: Adam and Evie first met outside Asda. We went in to buy some shopping for lunch and then headed over to my mums house to cook together. I was living in a refuge at the time so Adam couldn’t visit me where I lived and I wanted it to be somewhere Evangeline would know and feel safe. She was comfortable enough to be herself around him by being a little bit naughty. She covered him with teddies and attacked him! At least he knew what he would be in for from day one. As time went on we spent more time out and about together on walks, having meals together and even went to the zoo. My most heartwarming moment of the two of them together was the first time Evangeline met Adam’s mum. We spent the evening with his family and I listened to Adam read her a story on the stairs. It was really sweet.
A: I was a bit nervous before meeting Evie because she is a huge part of Kat’s life. I knew that Evie would always come first and it was nice to see the ‘mum’ side of her. We really took a lot of time to get used to being together as a three which meant lots of walks and trips to the park, feeding the ducks and to our local zoo.
Moving In & Becoming a Family
K: We all became a family together in June 2013. It had been a hard ten months of hostel living and sharing a room with Evangeline so we all had a lot of adjustments to make but we settled in together really well and soon got into a routine. I felt for Adam because he had moved out of his mums and into a place with a tiny ball of terror that is a toddler! He soon got used to tantrums, nappy changes and sloppy kisses though.
A: I was really happy to move out of my home and into a place with Kat and Evie. I was never worried about moving in together and I knew any challenges we would face we would be able to work out. When Kat went back to work full time Evie and I had a few mornings and afternoons together before I would drop her off at Nursery. We had pretty easy mornings really and we got on well. It was nice to start building a bit of a bond with her. I do remember taking her to Peppa Pig world for her 3rd Birthday and it was the toughest day we had with her. She was so overwhelmed that she had the biggest tantrum I’d ever witnessed. It’s really hard in those situations because I didn’t feel I could just jump in and discipline her but I also wanted to support Kat. We ended up just sitting by the fake duck pond for a while and waiting for her to calm down.
Life Today as Parents
K: Adam is an amazing parental figure in Evangeline’s life. She absolutely adores him and really does take advantage of the time we all share together. In fact, when it’s the three of us I hardly get a look in! She will be climbing all over him, shouting she loves him, holding his hand and goes to him for things first. Adam has been there for her first year at school during parents evenings, plays, nativities, meeting the new teacher and her first sports day. Even though I make most of the decisions about Evangeline’s life I have a partner that respects and supports me in those decisions and they have a lovely bond together too.
A: Evie started school this year so that’s where most of her energy goes. She can still be a bit of a handful but we get on really well. I don’t see Evie very often though because she’s at school during the day and I work nights. She does like to say goodbye to me before she goes to school and I do the school run on Friday as it’s my day off. It’s good to have that time together as it leans into the weekend where we can spend it as a family. Evie also goes to see her dad every other weekend so we try to make the most of our time together as a family.
K: Do not feel ashamed that you are a single parent if you decide to start dating or meeting new people. Do not let anyone make you feel shame for who you are but also try not to make presumptions about the people you meet, especially if they’re a little younger than you! If they really like you, and want to be in your life, they will accept your child(ren) too and want to make sure they have a happy, secure and loving home.
A: Take time to get to know each other before involving children, just so you know a future together as a family is what you both want. It’s normal to be a bit nervous about meeting your partner’s children, it’s a big deal. The kids are going to find it strange too! For the first time you meet make sure it’s somewhere the kids feel comfortable in. Sometimes it can feel like you’re an outsider, especially when you first move in together, but it’s an adjustment for everyone and you can make a really happy home and family together if you work at it. Even if you’re a step parent, you need to know your boundaries, so it’s really important to try and include each other in parenting decisions. Even though Kat has the final say in Evie’s life, we do both take the time to talk decisions through first.
A little bit about Kat
“I’m Kat and I blog about my life with Adam and Evangeline at Candyfloss & Dreams. We love our family adventures together and I love to write about them alongside lots of other lifestyle topics. Please come over and join us!”
If you’ve enjoyed reading this series and would love to take part, then please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org